The Four Best Moments From Page Six’s Baffling Art Basel Miami Beach Coverage

Whether you like it or not, Art Basel Miami Beach has become a three-ring circus of parties, celebrities, and velvet ropes. Unsurprisingly, then, the gossip gurus over at the New York Post’s Page Six have proved particularly well-equipped to cover it. The rag has emerged as a fount for art gossip you’ll love to hate-read. Herewith, we count down the four best Page Six scoops in the last week. (Don’t worry, we won’t make this a habit.)

1. Vito Schnabel Hooks Up With, Dumps Demi Moore

Poor Demi. Fresh off her split from Ashton Kutcher, the actress began dating 26-year-old art dealer and Julian spawn Vito Schnabel. But it was not to last. After bizarrely picking up a stray cat at Art.sy‘s beachside bash (which prompted the amazing, obliquely cougar-referencing headline, “Demi’s night of heavy petting”), the “Ghost” star and her strange antics proved too much for the young dealer to take. According to a source, “Vito has worked very hard to be taken seriously in the art business, and doesn’t want to be seen as somebody who dates celebrities.”

2. Jeremy Piven Deems Art Installation Too Risqué

“Entourage” star Jeremy Piven was for some reason slated to unveil a 19-story art installation at the Intercontinental Miami on Thursday. The 19-story LED “Digital Canvas” was the finishing touch on a $30 million renovation of the hotel. But when the actor learned the canvas would feature a dancing woman, he pulled out at last minute, concluding it would be “bad for his image.”

3. Peter Beard’s Woes

Wildlife photographer Peter Beard‘s wife, Nejma, is attempting to wrangle control of his market. In January, she terminated his relationship with longtime dealer Elizabeth Fekkai. Now, she’s targeting Nello Balan‘s Upper East Side restaurant, where she believes unauthorized copies of Beard’s work is on display.

4. Diddy Shares His Art Wisdom

At a private party during Art Basel on Friday, Sean “Diddy” Combs took a break from buying art to lecture guests on its true meaning. “Feedback is art, everything naturally is art, let’s make art,” he said from his perch in the DJ booth at the Delano Hotel. A spy told Page Six that “nobody knew quite what Diddy was talking about.”

OK, that’s it. If you think all this celeb talk is toxic to art, look on the bright side: It’s now cordoned off in a gossip column, and you never have to see it again — except for when art publications like ours pick it up, of course.

Julia Halperin