Art World Missed Connections: Koons-Crossed Lovers, U.S.-U.K. Relations at MoMA, And More

We’ve never thought of Jeff Koons‘s work as romantic, but one of this week’s art world missed connections has shown that his “Balloon Flower (Red),” installed in a fountain outside 7 World Trade Center since 2007, can have the same effect as a bouquet of actual flowers. Other near-connections this week include a beautiful British diplomat at MoMA, and a hot ice cream truck driver parked outside the New Museum.

But first, our favorite post of the summer, because of its passing critique of Koons. The young man who wrote “Barefoot girl in the Koons fountain – m4w – 20 (Financial District)” wastes no words dismissing the shiny sculpture:

On Friday, you were dipping your feet into the jets of water surrounding that ridiculous red balloon animal sculpture in front of 7 WTC.. I was on the phone, unforunately unable enjoy the chlorinated geysers alongside you. We glanced at each other, you gave me a warm, knowing look. You headed off and so did I a few steps back, passing by you as you answered a phone call and became as unapproachable as I had been 2 minutes earlier. Our eyes met one final time and I stupidly kept walking, letting the feeling that I had just made a terrible mistake slowly sink in. I just hope you’re the Craigslist type

Between the curt but authoritative art critique, the endearing shyness, and strange but vividly detailed writing (“chlorinated geysers”!?), this belongs in our missed connections hall of fame. Should they reconnect, we recommend these two visit a more profoundly refreshing outdoor sculpture, perhaps HWKN‘s “Wendy” at MoMA PS1.

Speaking of MoMA, it was the venue for this week’s second missed connection, whose unusual cast of characters lends it a vaguely James Bond-like air of international intrigue. Jason, the author of “British Diplomat Jen at the MOMA – m4w – 27 (Upper East Side),” explains:

We were sitting at the MOMA waiting for our friends on Sunday 8/12. You were the British diplomat, I’m the American Emergency Medicine doctor. I was about to ask for your number if our friends hadn’t all showed up at the same time. I still don’t really know what’s in the MOMA because I spent the rest of my time in the museum looking for you haha….I had a great time talking, I would love to meet again!

Sounds like a museum date back to MoMA is in order. Perhaps these two can trade international secrets while cuddling in one the Quay Brothers retrospective‘s darkened screening rooms.

This week’s last two posts involve near-encounters outside the New Museum, which makes us think that Isa Genzken‘s “Rose II” (2007) must cast some invisible romantic fairy dust over the adjacent sidewalks from its perch on the museum’s façade. Our first lovestruck Bowery pedestrian caught the eye of an ice cream truck driver who gave him a heart-melting wave, and is the subject of the passingly and incoherently raunchy post “Girl driving van leeuwen icecream truck – m4w (Nolita / Bowery)“:

I admire your driving skills!!! Would you like to ride me around your wonderful truck?
I’m the guy walking on the road in front of the new museum. You waved at me.
I’d like to buy you some coffee..

Firstly, the suggestive invitation to “ride me around your wonderful truck” doesn’t make sense. Are you asking for a ride? Are you hinting at some weird but not completely unappealing ice cream fetish? In either case it seems very likely that whatever you’re suggesting could result in a flurry of health code violations.

That said, as workers in a building housing a small fleet of food trucks, ARTINFO can confirm that the Van Leeuwen truck has by far the most attractive employees. For a first date we’d recommend SculptureCenter‘s September 8 block party, where the Long Island City non-profit will serve up scoops of a custom-made SculptureCenter ice cream.

This week’s final missed connection, also set on Bowery, is by far the most hopeless, but as die-hard romantics we think it’s worth a shot. The author of “Walking down bowery tues. – m4w – 25 (Lower East Side)” writes:

I was walking up bowery on tues. afternoon and we stopped across the street from eachother somewhere near the new museum…it was a quick glance but i think we both took a double take…u were sporting red lipstick and blue headphones.

On second thought, this is hopeless. You, anonymous 25-year-old guy, get an F for effort.

— Benjamin Sutton