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In the Air – Art+Auction's Gossip Column

10 Better Lines for Picking Up Someone in a Gallery

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On Saturday the New York Post published a terrible, terrible list of five crowd-sourced pickup lines suggested by visitors at MoMA, ranging from a Surrealism joke that surely had André Breton spinning in his grave to a tacky proposition to model nude. Not to be outdone, IN THE AIR has come up with 10 much funnier — and, we’d like to think, more effective — arty pickup lines. We’ve arranged them below, from most romantic to raunchiest. Use with caution.

“I may not be an Yves Klein, but I’d be pretty blue if I couldn’t get your phone number.”

“If you were Marina Abramovic I would sit in the MoMA lobby and stare at you all day.”

“Do you have an audio tour, because I want to hear all about you.”

“I’d better put on my conservation gloves, because you’re too beautiful to handle.”

“Are you a Shepard Fairey poster? Because I can’t believe you don’t already belong to someone else.”

“Being around you makes me higher than attending Rob Pruitt’s ‘Cocaine Buffet.’”

“You must be a Richard Serra sculpture because I want to get involved with you, end up stuck in a loop, then get spit out right where I started.”

“Let me be your Frank Gehry and I’ll be sure to properly balance your curves.”

“You must be an Anish Kapoor sculpture, because I can see myself in you.”

“If I were Tehching Hsieh and you were art, I definitely couldn’t stop doing you for a whole year.”

Post your own below — or try them out on us if you run into IN THE AIR at a gallery.

— Kyle Chayka, Julia Halperin, Benjamin Sutton

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Comments

  1. by Vincent VeeGee

    “Is that a tube of oil paint in your pocket or are you happy to see me?”

    “You remind me of a Damien Hirst painting…over priced and hard on the eyes.”

    “I’ve enjoyed this conversation so much I am going outside and do a Van Gogh – cut off one of my body parts.”

    “You would be amazed by the orgasm one can get with a number 14 sable brush.”

  2. “I’m a performance art major at Vassar.”

  3. Do you have a Hinnebusch?

  4. Those lines are all horrible and super-duper cringe-worthy

    Instead –

    “So did you see anything you liked?”

  5. by Katie Higgins

    Girl, you’re like a Rothko, when I look at you, I feel sublime.

  6. This was stupid and a waste of space. Message to ArtInfo: Try a little harder next time.

  7. The only thing I’m offended by is the stock photo…

  8. I sure would love to prime your wood with gesso.

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